IMPROVING GREAT ART. ONE CAT AT A TIME.

I ran a series of social media posts about Grisou the Cat. In each post I inserted him into some well known work of art – usually a painting – to show the artist how it should be done right. Then I challenged viewers for the best caption, to win international bragging rights. While there were great captions, the judges ignored MY captions. Quelle frustration! So by popular demand from the adoring millions (rounded up to the nearest millions) this post is dedicated to MY captions. At last! Take that, stupid judges!


God: More bloodied angel wing feathers in the garden? This has to stop.

[Hi-res version and more artist info at https://www.photo.net/photo/18654743]


Captain of the Watch: For heavens sake. Calm that damn girl and put the rifles away. It’s just a cat.

[Hi-res version and more artist info at https://www.photo.net/photo/18654513 ]


So Hera says to me, “This is your big day girl. The BIG birthday. I know just the painter to capture it for you.”

“I don’t want children in the painting,” I said to her. “I won’t be upstaged by some little smiling brat or pouting cherub.”

“Course not,” she says, the two-faced bitch.

So I speak to the painter, he’s this Roman lad. Seems OK, for a Roman. Says he can do a first-class painting of me emerging from an ocean shell. We talk about my clothing, my hair and which minor gods will frame the scene. The Roman wants money for the paints, the clam shell and flowers and herbs.

“What herbs?” I say.

“Frankincense or myrrh,” he says.

Then Athena, that other backstabbing bitch, may she rot in Hades, says, “Don’t waste your money, girl. Catnip is just as good and far cheaper.”

[ Hi-res version and more artist info at https://www.photo.net/photo/18654781 ]


Grisou: A pet mouse? Really? I didn’t know it was a pet mouse.

[Hi-res version and more artist info at https://www.photo.net/photo/18654594 ]


Jacques, listen to your cat for once. Do NOT lead with the king. Lead with the two. No, no. Jacques, not the king, NOT the king, NOT THE KING, o for heaven’s sake….

[Hi-res version and more artist info at https://www.photo.net/photo/18654862 ]


Grisou: John, we need to talk. I’ve been seeing another family. They have a house on Avalon Beach. And an electric stove. And fish. Fish! Fish twice a week.

John: Why? Why? What can a bunch of Sydney city snobs like that give you that I can’t?

[Hi-res version and more artist info at https://www.photo.net/photo/18654961 ]


Cowboy at gate: I don’t know, Henry. Seems a long way to ride just ’cause cat wants out. Couldn’t we put a flap of some kind in the gate?

[Original (minus cat) by Frederic Remington. Hi-res image at https://gallery.staadecker.com?image=remington ]


Woman to piper: You again! Are you dumb, or what? I’ve told you already. Hamelin is THAT way.

[Hi-res image and more artist info at https://www.photo.net/photo/18655447 . Guest appearance by cat Sofia-Lena alongside Grisou. ]


Narrator:  At Waterloo, Napoleon’s batman, Henri Dugai, was charged with drunkenness and dereliction of duty. It was only after his execution that doubts arose about who really had urinated in the Emperor’s boots.

[Hi-res image and more artist info at https://www.photo.net/photo/18662195 ]


Grisou: By the mark twain! Steady as she goes helmswoman!

[Hi-res image and more artist info at https://www.photo.net/photo/18662289 ]


Jeb: Them horses were a bugger this time, Hennery.

Hennery: Oh, ah. Were they, Jeb?

Jeb: Didn’t want to come in off the field, didn’t want the harnesses, didn’t want the traces, didn’t want the wagon.

Hennery: Oh, ah.

Jeb: An’ sure as beans, once the trip is done, an’ they’re unhitched, unharnessed an’ back in the the field, his nibs will change his mind an’ want to cross back t’other side again.

Hennery: Third time today, Jeb.

Jeb: Who’d be a farmer, eh Hennery? The work never ends.

[Hi-res image and more artist info at https://www.photo.net/photo/18662452 ]


And if you have captions to contribute … or a high quality cat image of your own that you’d like merged with a favourite piece of art (one that’s no longer under copyright) please leave your comments/requests below.

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